August thoughts and musings (a rare blog post)

August 8th, 2020

The last time I blogged was February BEFORE the "China Virus" (as the president likes to call it.) Makes me chuckle every time he calls it that. He's a guy that likes to place blame. Taking blame, however? Well, that's a different story.

Anyway. Enough about the leader of the free world. This is MY space. Let's talk about ME! 

.....

hmm...

Now I forgot what it was I was gonna say about myself. I blame Trump. lol. He won't take the blame for THAT either.

Okay, wait, I thought of something..

Did you know I'm the absolute worst catch a woman could ever ask for? 

This realization came to me recently when I was dumped by a woman whose ex-husband beat and almost killed her. He actually went to prison for it. But even with that in her past, she decided I wasn't good enough for her.

So apparently I'm less desirable than a man who went to prison for attempting to murder his own wife (with whom he had two children which makes it even more atrocious.)

Now obviously this woman has deep-seeded emotional issues and an extremely cold heart as a result of her abusive past, which started with parents who abandoned her at an early age, but I actually thought maybe I could break through all that and show her a person that truly cares about her and her children. Not so much.

After two years of trying to warm her cold heart and thinking I was doing pretty well, she found another man who she decided was better for the job. It was VERY disappointing to say the least because I fell in love with her AND her two boys. I gave her space while she cared for her ailing father in his last days, but after he died I thought we could finally forge a future together. She never led me to believe this wasn't something she didn't want either. Until it wasn't.

It turns out the storybook ending of turning a woman incapable of loving and trusting anyone into one who can love and trust people was all a fantasy and too good to be true. 

Or was it?

You know, now that I get that all down on a page, I just had an epiphany. I'm wondering if I didn't accomplish something after all?

It's clear I'm not going to be the man for her. But maybe she doesn't even try to find another man if I don't come along to show her that men like me exist. Men that care. Even better men. Because believe me, I'm not perfect. I have vices as evidenced by her telling me to get my shit together at the end when I was more than a little sad about her decision.

As a mature adult (albeit with no shit together) and because I really have no other choice, I will take the high road and pray she lives happily ever after with her new beau. It's easier to do this knowing that maybe I actually did warm her cold heart at least enough for her to place trust in someone else. That's not a complete waste, right? Plus it's a good way of justifying that I didn't waste two years of my life.

Good talk, Rusty.

Have a great rest of 2020 and I hope you don't die from the "China Virus". Chuckle.