Happy Turdsday from Nick D. and Nick D!

January 25th, 2018

This post is not gonna have much to do with the special offer I got from myself in a bag of dog chow. I gave myself two bucks off the next purchase, if you’re curious. 

Charlie is Marie’s dog. He sleeps wherever he wants but always close to his mom. As you can see:
Chuck is a mutt but a pretty cute one. He doesn’t like to look at the camera when I take his pic. He loves his brother Teddy aka Uncle Ted even despite the fact he’s an asshole. And fat. Probably because he hogs the dog bowl and growls at Chuck if he tries to eat while he’s eating. 

Last night there was this black woman at the bar kissing all over me. Marie thought it was gross but I thought it was kinda fun. I was pretty drunk and didn’t really like her all that much but if you’re not dog ugly and wanna kiss on me, it’s fine. 😂 😘

K, well I’m gonna go get into some more trouble now. Or not. Have a great day, talk to ya tamale. 

Happy Wednesday from Susan and what’s left of #wtfwoody

January 24th, 2018

This post IS going to have to do with the mangled Woody doll in the pic above. 

Susan is a comedian friend of mine that had this wonderful idea one Christmas to poke fun at the whole Elf On The Shelf craze by posing the Woody doll from Toy Story in compromising positions every day and tagging it #wtfwoody. Here’s a montage of her work:

I don’t know how many years ago she did this but every time she posted another #wtfwoody I laughed my ass off and reposted from any/all social media outlets I have. I was hoping for a reprisal of #wtfwoody in years to come but it didn’t happen.

Today I leaned why. Dogs. Susan’s dogs did in Woody. It was a sad way for Woody to go but considering his lifestyle he already had 9 lives and maybe more. 

R.I.P. #wtfwoody. Your spirit will live on in infamy. 

Happy Tuesday from me and a Dick’s Last Resort sign

January 23rd, 2018

This post is not going to have anything to do with the funny sign in the window at Dick's Last Resort in downtown Dallas.

I decided the whole “Nick and whatever” subject of these posts was too 3rdpersonish so this one is “me and...”

I texted Natalie that I blogged about Kristen and she said that was so sweet. Lol. Natalie. 

Happy Monday from Nick and Mili in the snow

January 22nd, 2018

This post is not gonna have much to do with my cute little niece who is not really sure what the person is doing that’s taking her picture. 

How was your day? Did you have anything good to eat? Good food can make a bad day good again. That and wine 🍷 

This is three days in a row I’ve written a blog. The last time I blogged three days in a row was probably before the turn of the century. Lol 😂 That sounds like a LONG time ago and it is but not THAT long. 

Hold on a sec. Time for a bit more “blood of Christ”. 

Okay where were we? The turn of the century? Well that’s too far back so let’s just talk about last Saturday night when I met Kristen. She was/is funny. There’s a 87.6% chance I’ll never see Kristen again but during our time together we had a few laughs so I’m good with that. 

Hey btw did YOU call that person back you forgot to call the other day? Don’t call them NOW because they’re in the middle of something but make a note to call them tomorrow. 

Speaking of which, you didn’t get back to me about whether or not you like this new blogging thing I’ve been doing but it’s cool. I know you’re busy. 

Bare with me while I try to post another pic here..  it may show up at the beginning of the post but let’s see...

Happy Sunday from Nick and the men’s restroom at Taco Bueno

January 21st, 2018

This post won’t have much to do with the men’s restroom at Taco Bueno. But I took a pic of it for some reason so there you go. 

Tonight Marie made AWESOME turkey soft tacos. My favorite tacos are the steak fajita tacos from Taco Cabana. The ones from Blue Goose and Mi Cocina are also great but I’m not rich enough to have those as much as Taco Cabana. 

I guess this post has more to do with the Taco 🌮 Bueno men’s room than I thought it was going to. To be quite honest, I had no idea where I was going with this post. I still don’t. But let’s keep going anyway. 

So did you have a nice weekend? I met some friends at Barcadia last night. I’m pretty sure I was undefeated at air hockey. Remember the last time you played air hockey? I’m pretty sure you were ALSO undefeated. A game between you and me would be an epic battle! 

Mom got me this journal for Christmas and wants me to write funny stuff in it but I don’t really write in journals. I’m considering to use it more like a diary where I write shit I can’t really share with the entire world. Not that I have that many secrets but I have a few. Now you’re intrigued, aren’t you? You wanna know my secrets. I don’t blame you, they’re pretty good secrets. 

Okay well talk to ya later. Have a great week!

Oh btw, I kinda like this blogging about nothing. Should I keep doing it? 

Happy Saturday from Nick and Veronica!

January 20th, 2018

This blog post is not gonna have much to do with the stunning beauty sitting on some rocks in Malibu, California but I just decided to include her in for no other reason than I just love her. Haha. 

So how ya doin today? I’m just hanging out listening to the “Classic Rock” station on DirecTV, channel 833. “Call Me The Breeze” by Lynyrd Skynyrd is on. He has that green light, baby. Gotta keep movin on. 

That’s me sometimes. I get the green light and gotta move on. Not now, though. I’ve decided to just chill for the next month and a half or so. Come March I might start wandering again but for now I just feel like staying in and around this comfy downtown apartment my bff Marie lets me share with her. 

Marie’s making turkey spaghetti 🍝 tonight. YUM! She bought some Texas toast the other day which will go quite nicely with it. I also have red wine 🍷 which will make it an even nicer little dinner. The dogs will try to ruin it but we’ll probably just put them in the other room. We’ve never bothered to teach the dogs to not beg their asses off for food. Whatevs. Lol. 

You’re probably wondering how I’m doing on my NYE resolutions. Well, I didn’t really make any. So I’m doing awesome! I kinda wanna get to 200 pounds but right now I’m only around 180 so that will take much more sitting on the couch and doing nothing but I’m up for it. Congrats btw on already accomplishing ALL your resolutions less than three weeks into the year. WOW!! You’re f’ing amazing! (But you already knew that.)

The song on the classic rock station now is “Even It Up” by Heart. I’m sure there are other lyrics in the song but not in the last 2 minutes. That’s pretty good if you can produce a song that just repeats 3 words for that long and is still awesome. These days most popular songs have more words than they need. 

Now the song on is “Burnin For You” by Blue Oyster Cult. That’s my song to Veronica up there. Remember her? Ha. 

And so we’ve come full circle. Have a great weekend and 2018. We’ll talk again. 🤓😘✌️

Frozen Margarita trick to avoid brain freeze

I prefer my margs on the rocks but if you’re forced into frozen ones like Taco Cabana makes u do when you just want a quick cheap buzz on a Saturday night, I figured out a way you can beat the inevitable “brain freeze”. 

It’s not the easiest thing to do in the world and especially if you have sensitive teeth, but what you do is just hold the frozen beverage in your mouth for as long as you can stand it before swallowing. This technique effectively warms it up enough to do the trick. 

Btw, you can’t beat the $3 happy hour margs at Taco Cabana EVERY day from 3-7. 

Stay thirsty mis amigos!

MySQL function to separate out first and last name from a column of full names

I wrote a pretty nice MySQL function to separate out first and last names if you just have a column of full names. Figured I'd share:

SELECT SUBSTRING_INDEX( customer_name, ' ', 1 ) AS FirstName, if( SUBSTRING_INDEX( customer_name, ' ', -1 ) LIKE "%jr%", SUBSTRING_INDEX( customer_name, ' ', -2 ) , if( SUBSTRING_INDEX( trim( customer_name ) , ' ', -1 ) = SUBSTRING_INDEX( trim( customer_name ) , ' ', 1 ) , '', SUBSTRING_INDEX( trim( customer_name ) , ' ', -1 ) ) ) AS LastName
FROM `customer`

How Sweet Baby Rays saved roast beef for me

I'm not much for roast beef. Dad loves it, though, so I was forced to eat a lot of roast beef when I was a kid or go hungry. 

When I got old enough to make my own decisions, I would respectfully decline dinner invitations if roast beef was on the menu. 

But then along came Sweet Baby Rays BBQ sauce and NOW all I have to do is drown the roast beef in SBR and transform it from bland (imo) to delicious! 😋 

Here ends my commercial for Sweet Baby Rays that will earn me 0 dollars. 

Thanks for reading and have a great rest of 2017! Go, Cowboys! 🤠 

Conversations with strippers

Pamela: "I like to gamble and drink beer."

Nick: "I like to play poker, drink beer and watch Winnie the Pooh!"

Pamela: "I LOVE Winnie the Pooh! I played Eeyore at Disneyland one summer!"

Nick: "lol, No way! Do your best Eeyore right now!"

Pamela (as Eeyore): "Well, I guess I coulda done somethin better with my life than become a stripper."