Happy Wednesday + Valentine’s Day + HUMP Day all rolled into one!

February 14, 2018

This post is not gonna have much to do with Pornhub giving out free content (#bandwidthtest) but God Bless em right?!? 👍🙌😛 

This post WILL have to do with something I’ve believed for a LONG time which is that sex is good for your health. It’s an undeniable fact but here’s the part that’s interesting. Women (not men) are MORE attuned to this. 

The prevailing opinion that all men think about is sex is not completely untrue but look at the cover of any issue of Cosmopolitan magazine and you’ll find WAY more teasers about sex than you will your standard issue of Maxim. Maxim’s have a sexy chica on the cover but so do Cosmos. It would lead one to believe the only thing WOMEN ever think about is sex. 

The difference between us is that women enjoy the mental game whereas men are more physical which is why women are more attracted to the men willing to play the games but let’s not get too psychological. 

The part of the whole men and women sexual thing where God used to get most of her laughs was men peaking in their teens and women in their 30’s, but NOW she has even MORE to chuckle about because these days more men in their 20’s and 30’s seem to be concerning themselves with other aspects of life while women are still just as obsessed with sex and relationships as they’ve ever been. 

The bottom line is that differences between the sexes are always gonna be evolving and interesting and cheers to that! ✌️❤️😘

Tacky Tuesday from random Chuck and Uncle Ted selfies

February 13, 2018

This post is not gonna have much to do with the dogs who rarely leave me unaccompanied on the couch. 

Hey it’s Fat Tuesday! I forgot already. Plus I’m not NEARLY as fat as I should or could be so I’m embarrassed by my relatively in shape body. 😬

Remember that one Fat Tuesday when Jennifer saw you at the creole festival in Ballion Park? And you were like “hide me, quick!” And I was like “from what?!?” And you were like “Not what, who!!! Jennifer!!” So I tried my best to hide you but Jennifer  still saw you and ran over and threw her Cajun pasta all over you? LOL! That was classic! 

Let’s do Ballion Park again next year, fucker! Sweet!

Happy Monday from this fool trying to luge in street clothes

February 12th, 2018

This post is not gonna have much to do with Bitmoji Nick forgetting to change into more appropriate luge attire before sliding down and finishing in last place by a large margin. 🙄🤷‍♂️

Yesterday I posted twice and both had the wrong date on them. Doh! Thanks for not pointing out I’m not perfect. Because I wouldn’t believe you anyway. 😜

I had this great idea of a post where the pic would be me stuffing my face ahead of Fat Tuesday to make sure I was as fat as I could be tomorrow. But I guess it’s too late now. Oh well. Remind me to do it next year. 

Have a great Mardi Gras, Penelope!

Happy Sunday from my Aldi receipt

February 11, 2018

This post is not gonna have much to do with my Aldi receipt except to say I love it when the total comes to an even dollar amount. 

If you’re wondering what kind of cookies  I got they’re oatmeal raisin. Duh. 

Today is Bruno’s birthday! Happy Birthday, nephew! I have zero memory of when I turned 10 but I’m sure it was a good day because mom and dad always made our birthdays special. 

When it’s YOUR birthday I’ll give you an oatmeal cookie! Nice!

Happy Friday from the Coopster

February 9, 2018

This post is not gonna have much to do with the Coopster but what a great dog! His actual name is Cooper btw but it’s impossible for me to call any dog by its actual name. Idk why that is but it has something to do with that character on SNL that used to say “makin copieeees... Steeeeve... the Stevesterrrr...”

Speaking of SNL, that’s ANOTHER thing I love about you. Your love of comedy. What kinda life are these people having that are all serious all the time. Not much of one, I’ll tell you that. 

Did you know that psychiatrists prescribe “comedy” to help some of their patients. That’s a GREAT prescription and it’s free! That’s also why I’m NOT a psychiatrist because that’s ALL I’d ever prescribe. Drug companies would hate me. Lol. 

The only side effect I can think of to laughing is if you’re doing it too hard while you’re eating you might choke so just make sure you have a friend on hand to give you a heimlich if you bust a gut at dinner. 

Did you know the Heimlich maneuver is NOT named after somebody named Heimlich? That’s a lie. But Henry Heimlich didn’t intend for the maneuver to be named after him. It was just easier to say than “hurry, apply subdiaphragmatic pressure!” “Do what?!?” “Never mind, he’s dead.”


See ya tomorrow!

Happy Thursday from my hot butt!

February 8, 2018

This post is not gonna have a helluva a lot to do with my toasty rear end except to say that this is the FIRST time I can remember using a seat warmer in a car and of course it’s awesome! My ass is on fire!🔥 

You’re like “But how? Why? Why are your hind quarters hotter than July?!?”

Well, it’s because I got lucky at Avis yesterday. They always upgrade me because I’m a regular customer but not usually into a “Premium” class vehicle. But that was all they had yesterday so I got to drive a Lincoln MKX. It’s an extremely nice ride. I can see why Matthew McConaughey is so full of Matthew McConaughey when he drives Lincoln’s. (Btw, if you haven’t seen SNL’s Lincoln commercial spoofs you should google em 😂 😆)

One day I’ll buy you a Lincoln because you read my silly blog and because you love Matthew McConaughey so much. But not the MKX because that’s for soccer moms and you’re WAY cooler than any soccer mom. I’ll get you the MKZ Hybrid because it’s totally cool like you and it’s environmentally conscience like me. It’s a win/win!

Now go back to watching your Matthew McConaughey movie and I’ll work on procuring your sweet new ride. 🙌✌️

It’s still Wednesday in Cali

February 7, 2018

This post is not gonna have much to do with “Steve” drawn and painted by Cael and David DeBorde above. But it’s a fantastic piece of art if you ask me. 

I’m staying in Lewisville tonight with the wonderful and gracious DeBorde family because I have business to attend to in Denton tomorrow and it’s easier to get there from here than from downtown Dallas. 

When I got here late in the afternoon I was pretty hungry but instead of picking up something to eat I took a chance that there might be leftovers from the Super Bowl party I could chow down on and I hit the jackpot! DELICIOUS pullled pork. 😋 Man, did that hit the spot! I made a sandwich when I got here and then another one later, both generously topped with Sweet Baby Ray’s sauce. Heaven! Special thanks to David who smokes meat with the best of them. 

I hope you had a wonderful Wednesday and continue your smooth sailing on into Thursday, captain. Ahoy!

TGI Tuesday? Nobody says that

February 6, 2018

This post is not gonna have much to do with some random pic I saved on my laptop in 2009 that appears to be a Mars rover with the hash #WhatsItGonnaBe?

But I do wonder about why I saved that.

What it's going to be for ME today is writing a post using the Posthaven editor on my laptop instead of emailing it in from my phone like I normally do.. I prefer the phone because I can't really include emojis from the laptop.What ELSE it's going to be for me today is for me to know and for you to wonder about. Don't wonder too hard, though, because it's nothing too exciting.

I'm going out to Lewisville tomorrow. Maybe I'll share a pic of the lake. Then jump in it. :-D

Happy Monday from the gooses in the road

February 5th, 2018

This post may have a little to do with the gooses in the road. I’d call em geese but gooses is funnier. 

They think they OWN the road because they’re bigger than ducks, I guess. I was the passenger in this scenario or I surely would have run them all down. 😂😲😵 Dumb geese. 

I love ducks 🦆 though! 

See ya tomorrow, goose lover!